WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
