2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it because I queefed?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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