ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There r osticjed everywhere
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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