My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
