Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
