i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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