I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
