did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
