you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
