i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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