i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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