community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
