ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
