Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
