It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
