I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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