Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
