I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
