I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
