3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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