First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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