So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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