the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
