home. puking in laundry basket.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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