Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
