Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
