Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
