Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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