Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
