One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
