He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
