I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
