It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
