OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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