he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize