the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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