my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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