Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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