Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
