I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We're too hungover to prance.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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