Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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