Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
