Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
