Can i not drive my cunt home
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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