All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
