i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
