first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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