Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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