But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
