if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
