is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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