My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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