so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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