My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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