U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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