I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
