Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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