4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
