Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
