halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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