I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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