how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
