Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
