Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
