Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
