I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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