i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
