I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
