Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
