you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
